So Not Worth Fifteen Sickles an Hour
by greenschist
Summary: Babysitting magical kids is never easy, but the Scamander boys might be a little more challenging than most.


**A/N:** JKR owns, I just borrow. This is written for **turnthatfrownupsidedown**'s Dialogue Competition at HPFC. The whole story has to be dialogue—no description at all.

**A/N2:** Why, yes, Lysander _is_ quite young here. I know Luna's twins are frequently portrayed as roughly the same age as the rest of the next generation, but I usually take JKR at her word when she says Luna settled down considerably later in life…or, rather, while I know Ginny had her babies while she was in her early to mid-twenties, I like to picture Luna having her boys in her early forties, hence the 14-year age gap seen here. I know this is not the most typical approach to these characters, but one of the things I love best about Next Gen is that so much of it is BYOC: Bring Your Own Canon.

* * *

"Lysander? Lorcan? Are you in there? Why is the door locked? _Alohomora!_"

"Yay! You found me!"

"Lorcan, what are you doing in here?"

"I'm Lysander."

"All right, _Lysander_, sorry. What's going on? I turned my back for a moment, and you and your brother are gone. Why are you covered in—what is this white powder? And _why_, exactly, are you locked in a broomstick cupboard?"

"I was hiding."

"From…?"

"You, silly! You're 'it.'"

"Kiddo, you can't play hide-and-seek without letting the seeker know that you're playing. How was I supposed to know to look for you?"

"But you _did_ look for me."

"Yeah, but not because I knew we were playing. I had to make sure you and your brother didn't fall down a well or…get eaten by a Nargle."

"Oh, please. Nargles don't eat people."

"Whatever! Your mum and dad are paying me to watch you. They left two healthy kids with me, and they expect two healthy kids to be here when they get back, so come out of there and tell me where your brother is."

"That's a secret."

"Oh, of all the…Lorcan, we're not playing anymore, so come out, come out, wherever you are!"

"That's not going to work. Lorcan's not a quitter."

"It's lunchtime, Lorcan! I have crisps!"

"He can't be bribed, either."

"You're five. How do you know what bribery is?"

"It was one of our vocabulary words."

"Your parents make you do vocabulary words?"

"Well, I _am_ going to be in Ravenclaw when I get bigger, you know."

"And to think my parents could have been building my vocabulary, but instead we wasted all that time playing Snakes and Ladders."

"That's probably why you were in Slytherin. But it's all right—you're still nice."

"Thanks ever so. Listen, Lysander, we're going to play a _new_ game: Hot and Cold. Do you know it?"

"Sure! When you come close to Lorrie, I yell 'hot.' Otherwise, I yell 'cold.'"

"Very good. Let's get started. Is he in the kitchen?"

"Cold, cold, you're so cold you're freezing!"

"Hmm. What about the lounge? Is he in here?"

"Coldy-cold-cold…ooh, you're getting warmer!"

"So Lorcan's upstairs, is he?"

"_Pb-b-b-b-t! Pb-b-b-b-t!"_

"What're you…you're spitting. _Why_ are you spitting?"

"_Pb-b-b-b-t!"_

"Is that sound you're making supposed to be a whistle?"

"Nope. _Pb-b-b-b-t!_"

"Then what _are_ you doing, Lysander?"

"I'm _nonchalant_ whistle. That means 'showing cool lack of concern' or 'indifference.'"

"Let me guess: another vocab word."

"If I use it three times in a sentence, it's mine for life. That's twice for me."

"And I'm happy for you. Now, up the stairs. March!"

"Warmer…warmer...you're getting warmer with every step, Lily."

"Hold up. What's this?"

"What?"

"These white handprints going down the bannister. This is the same white powder that's all over you, isn't it?"

"Mum always says I _need_ to hold the rail when I'm going down stairs."

"Yeah, good for you. What is this stuff? It's all over you, the stairs, the hall…look! Here and here…you left a trail all the way into your parents' bedroom!"

"You're getting hot!"

"You're not supposed to be in here, Lysander. Lorcan! Come out right now, or you're in—"

"Don't stop now, Lily. You're quite close."

"What was that thumping noise?"

"Noise? What noise?"

"Don't give me that! Oh! There it is again!"

"I didn't hear anything."

"Oh, no. Lysander, is Lorcan _inside_ the wall?"

"_Pb-b-b-b-t!"_

"Stop that! That's an exterior wall. How did he even get in there? Was it through your parents' bath?"

"Don't go in there!"

"Omigod, what have you done? There's a hole in the wall! That's why everything's so dusty; it's plaster dust! How did you even do this?"

"Mum says Lorcan is a very creative hider."

"Well, she's going to have a thing or two to say about his creativity when she sees the boy-shaped gap you little buggers created in front of her toilet! Lorcan, that's enough. You've been found, so come on out. _Now!_"

"Since we've found Lorrie, may we have those crisps now?"

"No, Lysander, you may _not_. You're both in so much trouble, you're going into time out until your parents come home. I'm horrible at household charms; I don't know how to fix walls! How on earth am I going to explain this?"

"You mean how are you going to explain that you left us unsupervised so you could make kissy faces at that Malfoy guy through the Floo?"

"…You saw that?"

"Uh-huh."

"I only spoke to him for little while!"

"Long enough. You know, I know the charm to close the wall. I've heard my dad say it plenty of times."

"I just bet you have. All right. What do you want?"

"First? The crisps. Second, all the candy you have in your bag. Don't pretend it's not there. Lorcan saw it when you were making yourself all pretty before calling your boyfriend. Give us those things, and we'll give you the charm."

"Do you know what blackmail and extortion are? Have you had those vocabulary words yet?"

"Yes, last year. Do we have a deal or not?"

"Fine! Just…get your brother out of there for me."

"Lorrie! It worked. You can come out now!"

"Kiddo, if I were you, I wouldn't make any bets on being sorted into Ravenclaw."

END


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